My Story pt. I

As many of my friends and readers know, I am adopted. Two years ago I found my biological mother, Katie; we had a rocky start but now we have a close relationship. Now that I'm 18 I have decided to commence the search for my biological father, Chris. This has been a difficult search because I don't know what his last name is, so unfortunately I've had to use atypical means.

I began my search on craigslist, which is where I found Katie (believe it or not). It tends to get a bad reputation but craigslist can really be helpful; I would strongly recommend to those searching for family (assuming they know their full names)that they give craigslist a shot. I expected my search for Katie to go on for at least a year but within 24 hours of posting a woman named Darlene responded and found Katie within the week.

Because the internet is an extremely useful tool, I've decided to use it as my main source of searching. In a sort of "six degrees of separation" experiment, I've concluded that I'm bound to find somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who knows him. While I haven't had any luck as of yet, I keep in mind that it takes some people years before they even find information on who they're looking for; I've only been at it for a month or so.

I live in Toronto, Ontario Canada and the search is occurring within the GTA. What I know about Chris is that his last name begins with a "T" and ends with the Greek suffix "opoulos" (spelling may vary). He worked in a bindery, lived in the Beaches and apparently has a strong resemblance to me (except with blue eyes instead of green). Technically speaking he could be anywhere, but knowing that he lived in the Beaches at the time I was born is enough to keep me searching here for now.

I'm going to do my best to update this blog on how my search is going. The only way I can find him is with a little bit of luck, the kindness of strangers and spreading the word as far as it can go. This is my story, take it as you will; if anybody has any information, do not hesitate to contact me at katherine.t.spain@gmail.com. Anything is helpful and support is always appreciated.

Quote of the week

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

Quote of the Week

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that
brings peace." - Buddha

Quote of the week

"Appreciate the good times but don't take the worst for granted, 'cause you only get so many second chances." - The Ataris

"That's so straight": Clever Comeback or Hypocritical Backlash?

Well, after years of apathy from the general public and a lack of respect from most youth we have finally made some sort of a breakthrough (a small one but a breakthrough nonetheless); “that’s so gay” is no longer going unnoticed as an offensive and disrespectful word. School teachers have begun to implement rules to prevent the use of it, GLSEN’s “Think B4 You Speak” campaign has begun to get through to many and the glorious Facebook group that I admin for has just exceeded 165 000 members (which was a proud day for the internet community if I do say so myself). As one might have guessed though, with progress comes a few snags and bumps.

In order to combat their peers’ common negative use of the word “gay”, it seems that many have started to turn it around and say “that’s so straight” when they’re referring to something stupid. Now I’ll admit that when I first heard about this it wasn’t really bothersome; it can be an effective way to explain to somebody how ridiculous using “gay” negatively is. Apparently it has now become widely used as more than just an explanatory tool and more of an all out backlash against the heterosexual community for creating the slang term in the first place.

There are a few things wrong with this assertion; first and foremost, in spite of the fact that “gay” as a synonym for “stupid” was started by heterosexuals it can be perpetuated by anybody, gay, straight or otherwise. The huge issue with this is that it’s beyond hypocritical and more of a detriment than a benefit to what we’re trying to accomplish. I can understand why it seems like a good way to educate and retaliate against those who say “that’s so gay” but honestly, how could anybody take someone seriously when they can’t even follow their own advice?

We’ve made plenty of progress in attempting to decrease the use and spread knowledge, but every time we take a step forward things like this push us three steps back. There’s enough resistance as it is and saying “that’s so straight” decreases your credibility and makes you look just as ridiculous as they do. I mean really, who could trust a hypocrite? Think about it.

Quote of the Week

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails." - William Arthur Ward

Quote of the Week

“There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts." - Voltaire

Kids These Days

Throughout my entire life I have always been praised for my intelligence. No, seriously. My teachers (rather, the ones who weren’t out to get me) were constantly impressed by my knowledge, ability to learn and wide vocabulary. All of this obviously went to my head and I considered myself a genius, wise beyond my years (I’ll let you all finish laughing out loud). It wasn’t until recently I managed to drag my head from my ass and climb off of my high horse. I’ve realized that I’m not wise beyond my years; everyone else my age is merely far behind theirs. Yeah, I said it.

For those of you who know me or have witnessed me in a public or private setting, I’m your regular run-of-the-mill ditz. I walk into walls, say really stupid things that you’d assume would come from a movie character and laugh at things that aren’t really all that funny. Other than that though, I’m pretty average intelligence-wise for my age; I really wish I could say the same thing about the rest of my generation. Back in the good old days, the average teenager was expected to have around 25 000 words in their vocabulary (thank you, Google). Currently, it consists of grunts, colloquialisms and the odd prejudiced slur here and there to establish popularity and “coolness”. It’s beginning to get ridiculous.

I will never understand the appeal of making yourself seems less intelligent than a Neanderthal. When you say “yo g, whatchu sayin’ today”, you’re actually saying “hello there, I’m a useless delinquent and I’m never going to amount to anything”. As one could imagine, Microsoft word imploded due to that previous “sentence”. Seriously though, when you speak in such a way it does nothing good for you; it makes everybody you encounter perceive you as unintelligent and ignorant to your own language. If you’re going to say “well I don’t care about what other people think of me”, please save it. Yes you do. If you didn’t care what other people thought of you, you wouldn’t buy into the pop culture of destroying the English language.

When it really comes down to it, since the majority of teenagers have such a limited vocabulary and talk like dumbasses it makes all teenagers look like dumbasses. I know that I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, but the fact that so many people my age can only aspire to be as intelligent as I am is beyond pathetic. Please, I implore you; read a dictionary and expand your lexicon. Just remember, UrbanDictionary doesn’t count.

You Say Jesus is the Answer…When did I Ask a Question?

I was walking through a parking lot earlier this afternoon when I came across a minivan with several bumper stickers pasted on its bumper. Now sometimes reading these stickers can be rather entertaining when they say different things, but I found myself bored and a little aggravated that I wasted 15 seconds of my life reading them. They said things such as “Jesus is the answer” and “Jesus changed my life” and “insert slogan about Jesus being awesome here” and so forth.

In spite of the fact that I’m Atheist and I represent basically everything sinful in the Bible (boy do I ever enjoy shrimp), I really don’t have anything against religion…until it gets shoved down my throat. The majority of the world has some form of religion, be it Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Catholicism or Star Trek (please see Futurama for many ‘lulz’); many of these people who practise their religion peacefully have their reputations constantly smeared by irrational zealots who insist upon converting the world to their Book of choice. I think everyone knows exactly which people I’m talking about, the ones that take the words of their religion and twist them to the tune of their own sick beliefs (Westboro Baptist Church, need I say more?).

Religion exists for the many who practise it so they can seek comfort and love when they need it most. When a loved one dies, sometimes writing about it in your diary or telling a therapist just doesn’t cut it. When one falls on hard times, they need somebody to look to that they know is wiser than themselves; their God(s). Unfortunately, religion has been used for centuries in order to achieve personal objectives; wars have been started, people have been ostracized and murdered in cold blood and entire continents have been poisoned by twisted religions.

Now here’s my big issue with these loud-mouthed zealots. They yell and scream about how everybody but them is going to Hell and that we all must “repent” and whatnot, but the second somebody stands up to them they cry about how their right to free speech is being quashed. Excuse me, but how does that work? You tell me that because I don’t follow your beliefs I’m a lesser person than you, but I’m not allowed to refute it? Why do I have to sit in the closet quietly when you can express your beliefs freely? Our governments financially support the churches all across the world; they are exempted from taxes and they scrounge for donations. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me but I don’t think God needs money. Didn’t he/she create the world? Couldn’t he/she zap a couple million dollars into their wallet whenever they need to go shopping on Cloud Nine? Furthermore, I’m pretty sure God would rather society give their money to those who need it; animal shelters, homeless shelters, third world countries, me...yeah, pretty sure there are better places for us to invest our cash.

I’m all for freedom of expression just as much as the next teenager with authority issues, but there is always a line and these sorry excuses for religious followers have not only crossed it; they pulled down their pants and relieved themselves all over it. Everybody has their own beliefs, but there is a place for them all and that is your own personal bubble; they don’t belong in my face or anyone else’s. So remember, the next time you want to tell me that Jesus is the “answer”, let me ask a damn question first.

It's my Body; I'll do What I Want!

I think Cartman said it all when he dressed up like a prostitot and went on the Maury Show; it’s my body, I’ll do what I want! Normally I wouldn’t say this considering it’s not often true, but Cartman has a damn good point. It is my body, should I not be free to do what I please (within reason) to it? According to a couple of bishops here in the cold cold North, no. Now you might be thinking, Canada is filled with pot-smoking, same-sex-marrying, communist heathens, since when do we give a flying shit about what a bishop says? Well usually we (or at least I) don’t, but it’s really the premise of the matter so entertain me for a little while.

Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff made his position known on abortion rights; he believes that abortion rights are vital to the well-being of expecting mothers and must be prominent in any plans for improving maternal health. I must say, I was pretty sceptical about Ignatieff up until this point; unfortunately, not everyone shares my opinion. Bishop Fred Henry was quoted saying that abortion had nothing to do with the health of mothers and was even so bold as to call this suggestion “pathetic”. On top of that, Archbishop Thomas Collins said that contraception and abortion both impact society negatively (how that is even close to logical I’ll never know).

I’m proud to say that in my country I can exercise the right to get an abortion if I deem it fit. Considering women didn’t always have this right (nor many rights at all for that matter) and still don’t in many countries world wide, I’ll be damned if anybody tries to take that away from me. This isn’t to say that I believe in using abortion as a form of birth control, nor is it to say that I’ll ever necessarily take advantage of this right. The only thing that matters is that if I need it, it’s at my disposal to use.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Canada separate religion from its government for the most part a long time ago? If this is the case then there’s no reason to worry, but it really burns my toast that these bishops think they have more authority than the government. Granted, Stephen Harper is sort of useless and his Lego-man hair makes it difficult to take him seriously, but as much as I hate to admit it he has more power than mere mortals; yes, that includes bishops. I don’t think Harper will ever have the ‘nads to compromise abortion rights, but he better hope it stays that way. It’s my body and not only will I do what I want with it, but I’ll fight you tooth and nail to make sure it stays that way. Disagree? Screw you, guys.

Time

When I go about my life, there always seems to be one thing that holds me back. There’s too much of it, not enough of it and I can never seem to manage it; time. Time, time, time, time, time. It is the controller of one’s decisions and actions and we must all use it carefully and wisely, since we never know when it could run out. Time is unforgiving and places restrictions on our dreams and changes our perception on how we view the world. Time…simply put, it’s a son of a bitch.

There once was a point in my life in which I was content with the time I had and how I would utilize it…that is, as content as one can be with their biological clock slowly ticking away. I had everything figured out; what I was going to do, when I was going to do it and how I would manage to get there. Of course the “what” changed from time to time, but the basic premise always managed to stay the same. And then I began to hear a few nattering voices in my ear, taking my carefully thought out plans and stomping all over them.

I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. Whether it’s a friend, family member or some other form of influence in your life, there is always that person or two who tries to take control of your life and the things in it. I won’t name the people in my life who do this, but those who know me (and sometimes those who don’t) have heard me complain incessantly about these people on a regular basis. It’s almost as if they think I’m incapable of managing my own time. Everything must be done immediately; there is no wiggle room…no room to breathe. Thinking of stopping and smelling the roses? Forget it, they’re not that special anyways. Do not stop to think, do not look at the scenery, do not pass Go and don’t even think of collecting $200.

I understand that we all have an expiry date. I won’t be here forever (at least not until scientists perfect cryogenics), I am well aware that spending my time wisely and efficiently is important; but shouldn’t one take the path they see fit? If I trip over a rock here and there or step in shit, is that not my problem? Nobody knows when their time will be up, but rushing through life doesn’t change the outcome. We all reach the end of the road at some point and personally, I’d like to take my own sweet ass time getting there.

I Don't Believe in Fairies: What it's Like Growing up Bisexual

As a child, Disney’s Hook was one of my favourite movies. When Peter Panning first meets Tinkerbell, he refuses to believe that fairies are real. For those of you who don’t know, every time somebody says that they don’t believe in fairies, one dies. I always laughed at that part. It wasn’t until a little later in my life that I could truly empathize with how Tink and her fellow fairies felt.

I can’t say that I always knew I was different, but I figured myself out earlier than most. I knew what I was before I knew the word “bisexual”, but I acknowledged my sexual orientation at the age of 12. As a child with an extreme case of synaptic exuberance, I came up with the bright idea to come out of the closet. The result? Well, let me put it this way; fairies have wings to escape unfortunate circumstances, I was 4’9 with the stubby legs to match.

As you might imagine, this experience sent me high-tailing it for the warm, dark closet until the ripe old age of 14 when I didn’t quite give a damn about the opinions of others. I dealt with different variations of harassment, ranging from carving heterosexist slurs in my locker to a full-out physical assault. People tossed their words in my direction and I brushed them off the best that I could, but one particular set of words cut into me like shards of glass; bisexuality doesn’t exist, you’re either gay or you’re not so make a choice.

In spite of the fact that it’s not the most offensive sentence in the world, it did quite a number on my pathetic teenage self-esteem. It obviously hurts to hear the common misconceptions about bisexuals such as “all bisexuals are promiscuous”, but this definitely took the proverbial cake on the scale of emotional pain. Many people hold certain preconceived notions about bisexuals which make it difficult for us to live comfortably in society.

Bisexuals are kind of in the centre area where they are unwanted by everyone. Heterosexual people don’t want to be with us in fear of us leaving them for the same sex; because of this, one would assume that they could find comfort within the GLBTQ community. For the most part this is true, but there are many gay people who mirror the feelings of some heterosexuals; they want nothing to do with us because they don’t want us to leave them for the opposite sex. When I first came to this realization, I was confused and angry. I expected to encounter solace and acceptance in the arms of those who understand what it’s like to be discriminated against, but I was met with the same adversity.

Every time somebody says “I don’t believe in fairies”, a fairy dies. Every time somebody says “bisexuals don’t exist” it’s not like one dies, but it’s definitely a huge kick in the teeth. We may not have wings (in spite of how convenient they would be) or die when you deny our existence, but we have feelings. I have feelings. I did not choose to be bisexual; it’s not like I woke up one morning and said “hey, how great would it be to be considered a whore and not get taken seriously by anybody?” I don’t think anybody would choose to be discriminated against. So throw away your biases, open your hearts and minds…and please, believe in the real life fairies of society. We could certainly use it.

Why Pokémon Deserves Its Own Band-aid Line

Have you ever walked through the medical supply aisle in a drug store and noticed the array of different band-aids you can buy? You’ve got the boring, plain band-aids, the SpongeBob Squarepants band-aids, and the Hello Kitty band-aids and so on. What really bothers me is that there are no Pokémon band-aids. I mean really, you’d think that if cartoon band-aids exist, there would be band-aids with Pokémon on them. Pokémon has been around since the mid to late 90’s; there have been trading cards, video games, t-shirts, hats and other memorabilia, and yet…no band-aids? I consider this an outrage. No, seriously.

Does anyone have any idea how incredible these band-aids would be? Each band-aid could be in the shape of a Pokémon. The circular ones would (obviously) be pokéballs…that, or Voltorbs. There could be different boxes with all of the generations of Pokémon, including special edition boxes that would carry all the legendary Pokémon. The saying goes that you “gotta catch ‘em all”, right? Well, with every scrape, boo-boo and ouchy received, we would get one step closer to making this a reality.

So to all the Pokémon lovers young and old, first generation and onward, I implore you; write to the makers of Band-aid and demand satisfaction! We will not wear another band-aid until our needs are met! We must have pokéballs, Pikachus and Bulbasaurs covering up every scratch on our body, and we will not cease until this day comes! Rise up Pokémon masters, and claim what’s rightfully ours! We will strive for the day when we can go to a drug store and triumphantly say, “Pokémon band-aids…I choose you!”

Why Saying "Gay" to Mean "Stupid" Makes You Look...Well, Stupid.

So, we’re all pretty familiar with the term “gay”, right? The first things that pop into our head when we hear that word are, astonishingly, not its original definitions. We think of things that are stupid, like Sarah Palin when she thought that Africa was a country. We think of things that are trivial, such as the outrageous applications on Facebook (I mean really, “gangster wars”? “E-babies”? Come on). We think of situations that irritate or baffle us, like when Chris Brown showed up at a women’s college that happened to be raising money for abuse against women. But what about the actual meanings of the word “gay”? Happy, flamboyant, bright, care-free and, most predominantly, homosexual.

Let’s address the original meanings first; happy, flamboyant, bright and care-free. When, exactly, did it become stupid to be happy? I don’t know about other people, but when I see somebody walking down the street with a huge smile on their face and a bounce in their step, I don’t think, “Wow, now that guy’s an idiot”. I mean, I’m a pretty happy person, but I also consider myself to be relatively smart. I could be wrong, though; maybe I’m just too stupid to know that I’m stupid. Anyways, I digress.

Now for the fun one; homosexual. As of about 200 years ago, society decided that all homosexual people were happy, flamboyant, bright and care-free; quite the compliment, eh? The homosexual men and women of the world have adopted the word “gay” to describe who they are. Can you really blame them? “Homosexual” and “lesbian” sound like medical terms for debilitating illnesses. However, now “gay” is popping up with a new meaning; stupid. Perhaps I missed the memo, but when did all gay people become stupid?

Aside from the blatant linguistic inaccuracy and lack of sense, there’s something pretty dark hiding underneath this pathetic, adolescent slang word. That’s right kids, it’s called heterosexism. The chance of a person intending to inflict emotional pain upon the entire GLBTQ community is incredibly slim, however, the chances of it actually hurting somebody who is gay is rather large. Here’s a wonderful little analogy (credited to a good friend of mine, Katy King) explaining the importance of interpretation versus intent.

You’re walking down the street swinging a baseball bat aimlessly, practicing your swing for the big game later on in the afternoon. All of a sudden, an innocent civilian’s face comes in contact with your aimlessly swinging bat! You begin to apologize profusely; you explain that you had not intended on hurting them at all, and hope that they accept your apology. They eventually do and walk away, silently whimpering while clutching their face. You feel pretty good about yourself, considering you apologized and all, but let’s face it; you just smashed somebody’s face in with a baseball bat.

When you catch your friend doing something inconceivably stupid and you say “dude, that was like, so gay of you”, I bet you feel original and intelligent, don’t you? Well, you really shouldn’t. In fact, you couldn’t be any further from the truth. Using “gay” is so unoriginal that society almost expects it to come out of an adolescent’s mouth. When it comes down to it, it makes you look exceedingly unintelligent. You may as well have drool coming out of the side of your mouth, because as far as civilized society is concerned, the inside of your skull consists of a note that says “I.O.U ONE BRAIN”.

Why, you ask? Well, it’s really quite simple; slang is not a valid language. Not only that, but the majority of slang actually has some sort of similarity or intended difference to the original word it’s making a mockery of. For example, “hot”, as in “Jessica Alba is outrageously hot”. I don’t mean that she is experiencing a high temperature, but that she’s very attractive. This slang was originated because of the connection between high numbers rating a person’s good looks and the high numbers describing high temperatures. Another example, “bad”. The reason “bad” is now used to mean “good” or “awesome” is that actually saying something is “good” is considered un-cool. Being “bad” is considered cool, therefore bad = awesome or good.

On the other hand, where does “gay” ever relate to “stupid”? It’s not stupid to be happy, and not all homosexuals are stupid. The two words aren’t opposite because they don’t even connect to each other. So obviously, “gay” cannot be used as valid slang. Whenever somebody uses the word “gay” to describe something stupid or unsavory, they’re basically showing that they have no knowledge of the English language. In fact, every time you say “gay”, you’re getting one step closer to spending the rest of your life saying “do you want fries with that?” I mean, let’s face it; only McDonald’s will accept somebody who doesn’t know the difference between happiness, homosexuality and idiocy.